Dating in Academia: Part Deux

Dating in Academia: Part Deux {New Faculty}

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It seems that dating a nerd gets a lot of hits. No, not those hits, but web hits from my wordpress stats manager. Let’s keep it up to snuff shall we?

In honor of the ridiculous amount of traffic this first post on dating in academia garnered, I decided that I was indeed a masochist and that this should be a several part series. Part two anyone?

I’m fortunate enough to have some bad-ass, awesome, intelligent lady friends. And “male” friends who are colleagues as well. Instead of just making this a pro-feminism post (but believe me, I’m all about it), I asked the duddddddes for their take. Strangely, we’ve not dated any of our single, male faculty friends. Life is easier when we can commiserate together with drinks after 5 p.m.

Male faculty:

“I tried dating a woman. She was not in academia. She had a kid. Both of those things were fine. She failed to recognize that in search of tenure, I didn’t have a ton of time all of the time hang around waiting for her. She kept lying, stringing me along, even to the point of kissing me and then saying “don’t do that again, but I liked it.” Mixed signal anyone? I get that finding childcare can be tough and respect that, but then found out that her kid was with the other parent for a solid week and she never mentioned it. I dropped that like it was hot. It was a hot mess.” ~paraphrased over friday drinks.

Female faculty:

I made the mistake of dating a grad student. I thought he could handle things. Until the day he said, “if we stay together, you can just get me a partner/spousal hire.” Motive (and deal breaker) revealed. Peace out bro’.

Female faculty:

I tried dating a guy. I appreciate how forthright he was with me, but he didn’t appreciate how quickly I broke it off after he let a major deal breaker out of the gate. Three weeks in he says, “so, you can just move {up here} and work for {obscure, small, rarely hiring college} so I can live close to my mom and dad.” EXCUSE ME??? I tried to get to the bottom of this fierce desire to live close to mom/dad but the only reply was, “i need to live near them, i will sacrifice having a fulfilling career if i can see them several times a week.” Which he was, he was not getting work. He complained about it daily, but his parents are healthy and very active, his other siblings had moved for jobs, and he clearly said, “you’ll just have to drop everything you have going on if this is going to work.” No, this isn’t going to work.

Female faculty:

I matched with a guy online. We started chatting through the service. It turned into a “what should I do with my career?” talk. I felt like an admissions counselor. I have no trouble talking future self with people, but not men in their mid-30’s who are trying to woo me, it felt like an 18 year old with his mom in tow.

If you have an awesomely, horrific dating story in academia, email me: domesticatedacademic@gmail dot com. I’ll post it. Yes I will…..We have to have a *little* fun don’t we?

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